Proverbs 23:26 “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.”
Teenagers are growing up in the most “connected” generation ever. Due to the information age where they have grown up, teenagers can connect with whomever they want, whenever they want. However, many of these same teenagers feel more “disconnected” from their parents and other loving adults than any other other generation before them. Sure, these teenagers live under the same roof with their parents, eat breakfast at the same table, watch TV in the same room, and even ride in the same vehicle; but that’s not the type of connection I am talking about. I am talking about the type of connection that Solomon was referring to when he said, “My son, give me thine heart…” I am talking about a connection that goes beyond the physical connection of living in the same family to that connection that binds the heart of a parent with the heart of their teenager. I am talking about the type of connection that so many parents and teenagers desire to have with one another yet so few actually do.
Over the past decade and a half of ministering to teenagers I have seen, as a whole, parents and teenagers drifting further apart. I have read books that deal with this issue. I have preached messages that have dealt with this issue. I have taught lessons that have dealt with this issue. Yet, as the years go by, the real heart connection between parents and their children has continued to deteriorate. Although they have not said it verbally, I have seen the questions in the eyes of parents and teenagers alike, “Why is this happening? What can be done to stop it?” Over the next several issues of this newsletter, I want to tackle the subject of connecting - really connecting at the heart - with your children. I want to encourage you to prayerfully read these articles and ask yourself the question, “Am I really connected with my children? What can I do to make the heart connection with my children stronger?”
In order to begin the process of really connecting, on a heart level, with your teenager, you must first seek to understand them. Have you ever made this statement in reference to your teenager, “I just don’t understand teenagers these days!” Or have you ever asked this question about your teenager, “What were they thinking?” Part of this feeling is due to the infamous “generational gap.” However, it is a valid point that in order to understand your teenagers, you need to understand that world in which they have grown up is different from the world in which you grew up.
Each year, two professors at Benoit College in Benoit, Wisconsin put together a “Mindset List.” They have been putting this list together for the past 11 years and it is designed to help the college faculty and staff understand the incoming class of freshman students. This list identifies those experiences which have helped shape the lives, mindset, and worldview of the incoming freshman. I want to include a few of the items from this past year’s list for the 2008 incoming class of freshman. You must realize that this list was compiled for a secular university that is not interested in Biblically training these young people. But, as you read this list, stop and consider how different of a world in which your children have grown up from the world in which you grew up. (If you would like to see the entire list, you may visit www.Beloit.edu/mindset.)
Mindset List for the Class of 2012
1. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
2. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
3. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
4. IBM has never made typewriters.
5. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
6. Caller ID has always been available on phones.
7. Soft drink refills have always been free.
8. Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
9. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.
Although this list may make you feel a little “old,” it serves to illustrate the fact that your teenagers have grown up in a world that is vastly different from the world in which you grew up. You must keep that thought in mind as you seek to “connect” with them. The next time you need to “confront” your teenager, keep in mind the command found in James 1:19, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” Before demanding that they understand your point of view, seek to understand where they are coming from. That attitude will serve to help you truly connect with your teenagers.
